When it comes to making andmaintaining friendships, the dominant cultural narrative is that women have it easy.
In some ways, these pop culture depictions ring true for a lot of men.
The friendships that seemed so easy to make in childhood dont always carry through into adulthood.
Jordan Moss
To be fair, pandemic life has hiteveryones friendshipspretty hard.
Ill often ask, What is your support system like?
Single or not, friendships offer so manybenefitsthat can improve mens lives.
One2011 studyfound that having a best friend during lifes toughest moments can make them more bearable, for example.
In other words, working on your friendships (or lack thereof) is worth the effort.
But if youre a guy who could use some help with that, youre clearly not the only one.
Maybe you dont knowhow to meet new friends, or youre struggling to connect with the ones you have.
Make your new interactions as low-risk as possible.
The oft-repeated advice to put yourself out there is a little broad and vague: Put yourself out where?
Not only are you surrounding yourself with people who like what you like (Rock climbing?
), but if you dont enjoy yourself, its much easier to walk away, he says.
Prepare to step outside of your comfort zone, even if youre feeling a bit socially awkward.
And while everybody craves some kind of connection, we dont always know how to make it happen.
Be prepared: You may feel uncomfortable at first, and you cant guarantee theyll be down.
3. attempt to actually look at each other occasionally.
Friendship is based on connection, and connection is based on authenticity, says Dr. Ellenberg.
Rigid masculinity, as he calls it, often implores men to stay buttoned up emotionally.
Again, you’ve got the option to start with low-risk conversations.
Be willing to break old patterns.
Thats not how I heard men talk when they congregated around me, Lioi says.
As boys age and absorb these lessons, this can affect their friendships.
Youre supposed to be independent and strong, not vulnerableit distances men from each other.
But its important to address this stuff quickly.
Theres something that is seen as unmasculine about saying, You hurt my feelings, he says.
That way, small problems are less likely to become larger over time.
Plus, youre practicing opening up, which can help bring you closer to other people, he explains.
Its also important to express happiness, appreciation, and other feel-good emotions, which can similarlyhelp strengthen relationships.
Positivity is the core of really good friendships, Dr. Ellenberg says.
Its not just processing things that go wrong; its building on things that go well.
Address ignorance when you see it at work.
One of the oldest patterns worth breaking is the way patriarchy can seep into mens friendships.
Studies show that young men oftenuse homophobic and misogynistic languageto appear masculine to others.
(Yep, gay mencan be misogynistictoo!)
These interactions perpetuate patriarchal gender norms and encourage men to avoid their real feelings, Lioi says.
Guys will get together and say, Oh, my partner gave me a list of things to do!
and kind of half-complain about it, he says.
In this crowded world, were kind of alone together, Dr. Ellenberg says.
