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This article originally appeared in the December 2016 issue of SELF.
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Entertainingis something Ive relished since childhood.
It started when I was in fifth grade.
I was a latchkey kid, and my single mother worked long hours as a nurse.
So I would come home from school and make surprisedinnersfor her.
I loved making her happy with my food.
It made me feel important, puffed up, having shown someone else how special she was to me.
Its a feeling I still getwhen I cookfor others today.
But now, as a big meal approaches, my enthusiasm often morphs into anxiety.
Maybe its that my life is just so busy (whose isnt?).
Maybe its that I want everything to be perfect.
Because inherent in entertaining is the wish to hey.
We want our company not only to like us but also to enjoy the experience of being feted.
And we all cook in the hope of hearing a satisfied mmm as people take their first bites.
Most have gone well.
I try toprepare as much as I canand build lots of leeway into the schedule.
I also remind myself that when you host, your guests are there to celebrate withyou.
Its a lesson I learn over and over.
But every once in a while, terror still strikes.
Recently I gave a small dinner at my home for some people I admire but didnt know so well.
I wanted to wow everyone.
I tried not to lose my temper.
What I did lose was an hour of cooking time.
But everyone insisted on pitching in, and in doing so, we all got to know one another.
The night didnt unfold the way I had imagined: It was better.
Id wanted so badly for everything to be perfect, to impress everyone with my poise and organization.
But what brought us closer was a lively time in the kitchen, not a well-appointed table.
My guests left looking satiated by both the conversation and the meal.
So this holiday season Im not aiming for perfection.
Im aiming for enjoyment, my guestsandmine.
Of course, Im going to be as organized as I can.
But once the party begins, I want to be at the party.
I want to go with the flow and not sweat the superficial stuff.
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