But every panic attack felt just as terrifying as my first.
I was in Turkey!
I was living the adventurous life!
Lerina Winter
Why couldn’t I just relax?
I believe I audibly gasped.
It was a moment of bittersweet relief: I didnt have to be good at traveling to do it!
In the Caribbean Sea.
Because if Elizabeth Gilbert isnt good at traveling, who is?
Traveling is hard for an anxious person.
It is full of unknownsthe toilet situation, thefoodsituation, the weather situation, and the overall level-of-comfort situation.
Behind the bar at Alquimico, a cocktail bar in Cartagena.
Pretty much any anxious person’s worst nightmare.
I was instantly excited and nauseous.
In the Caribbean Sea.
Lerina Winter
I felt safe and comfortable knowing everything was vetted by theTravelerteam.
So I tamped down my anxious thoughts and signed up for the trip.
Her description of the trip left me feeling even more excited to go.
Lerina Winter
Our goal is really to attract people who believe in the same things, she told me.
The small group trips have a focus on what Spurrell refers to as responsible tourism.
As I prepared to leave, it felt surreal that I was going anywhere at all.
It is a recipe for an anxiety disaster.
I arrived in the coastal city of Cartagena on a Saturday afternoon.
(It turned out many of our conversations would be about traveling.
It was, after all, the one thing we had in common.)
These were not just women who travel, but women who really love to do it.
Behind the bar at Alquimico, a cocktail bar in Cartagena.
If someone asked me, I dont know what Id say.
Traveling feels like a race, and Im a terrible runner.
What is there to love about that?
We took off our swimsuits and they scrubbed our naked torsos like babies in a bathtub.
I have never been baptized, but Id imagine spiritually it would feel something like this.
I loved wearing no makeup and a comfortable but flattering outfit.
I loved seeing other people happy.
I loved the food.
We spent our last day in Cartagena on an island off the coast.
Patty, our tall, tan, laid-back, and luminously charismatic guide, asked.
I never would have guessed that about you.
Oh yeah, never, my roommate chimed in.
You seem so…chill.
Ha, I said with a laugh, and sat up to take in the view.
That was part of the mission of the tripto rewrite the story of Colombia in a contemporary context.
Medellin was cosmopolitan and lush; there were plants and trees everywhere.
One night a few of us went to dinner at Carmen, one of Medellins buzziest restaurants.
We started talking about traveling, as we always did.
My new friend from Chicago said she loves it because shefeels the most like herselfwhen shes somewhere else.
She has anxiety everywhere else but here.
I know what you mean, the lab manager said, smiling.
There is nothing like it.
I watched my anxiety float by like a speck of dust.
Today, Comuna 13 has transformed but not gentrified.
Our tour guide, Santiago, led us through the district.
It is so that children will never stop playing here, he said.
Santi brought us to his mothers house for lunch.
His brother Chota, one of Comuna 13s most well-known street artists, sat down to join us.
Beneath his mothers house is a family-run cafe that sells beer and coffee and prints of Chotas work.
Chota invited us into his studio.
Then he held out cans of paint, summoning us to try it ourselves.
I stepped up to Chota and opted for the red aerosol can and the medium-sized nozzle.
He motioned for me to shake the can first; I shook.
I held it out in front of me, as Chota had demonstrated.
Now test it, he indicated, with a tiny motion of his finger.
Again, I set out to mimic him.
Test it, I said to myself in my head.
I jumped back in shock, laughing and crying.
My neck was covered in red.
Everyone was laughing, possibly more at me than with me, but I didnt care.
I asked Chota in Spanish (how to clean myself).
Solo con tiempo, Chota said, shrugging, which meant, to my dismay, Only with time.
But I was giddy, like a kid.
I can love something even if I don’t think I’m that great at it.
So yes, I am sort of bad at traveling.
I am anxious, I dont fully unplug, I make mistakes, and I avoid risk.
But the important thing is that I traveland love to traveldespite that.
I have made that decision several times, and I have yet to regret it once.
And thankfully, Chota was wrong.
The spray paint came right off.
