“I decided to really focus on it and combat it,” Crawford tells SELF in an email.
While Crawford could have used a model, she says posing for the images herself actually helped her cope.
“It was definitely therapeutic,” Crawford says.
Katie Joy Crawford
“I didn’t realize just how much it would change me.
Since publishing the photos to herbloglast May, the images have gone viral.
“It’s been amazing.
“a glass of water isn’t heavy. it’s almost mindless when you have to pick one up. but what if you couldn’t empty it or set it down? what if you had to support its weight for days… months… years? the weight doesn’t change, but the burden does. at a certain point, you can’t remember how light it used to seem. sometimes it takes everything in you to pretend it isn’t there. and sometimes, you just have to let it fall."
Crawford plans to further help that community by creating a book entitledM**y Anxious Heart.
“Depression and anxiety are so very alienating on their own,” Crawford says.
“they keep telling me to breathe. i can feel my chest moving up and down. up and down. up and down. but why does it feel like i’m suffocating? i hold my hand under my nose, making sure there is air. i still can’t breathe."
“it’s strange — in the pit of your stomach. it’s like when you’re swimming and you want to put your feet down but the water is deeper than you thought. you can’t touch the bottom and your heart skips a beat."
“you were created for me and by me. you were created for my seclusion. you were created by venomous defense. you are made of fear and lies. fear of unrequited promises and losing trust so seldom given. you’ve been forming my entire life. stronger and stronger."
“depression is when you can’t feel at all. anxiety is when you feel too much. having both is a constant war within your own mind. having both means never winning."
