Reading aboutmiscarriagetends to be very clinical.
This is what happens to the body.
These are some reasons why it happens.
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These are the statistics.
And of course those things are important to know.
Here, we asked eight people to share their miscarriage experiences, from six to 20 weeks pregnant.
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I said to my husband, ‘Can you hold the baby?
I didn’t know what to do.
Obviously this wasn’t good news, but I didn’t want to make my kids leave the pool.
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The whole thing was strange.
Like when you’re watching something happen to yourself.
No one really knew what to say.
What are you supposed to do in that situation?
All of these things seemed to converge in a way that meant I shouldn’t be that upset.
We half-joke in my family that when something bad happens, you just ‘push it way deep down.’
It’s so intense, making these little people."
By the sixth week, we found out we were having twins and we heard both little heartbeats.
After the doctor told us they looked good, we decided to announce our joy to everyone.
I was supposed to come back in a week to see how things had progressed.
The pain and confusion led my husband and I to grow apart and fight.
It took us months, even a year to heal [our relationship].
“I was 41 when my husband and I started trying to conceive.
Due to my age and history of irregular periods, we went right to a reproductive endocrinologist.
On our second attempt with artificial insemination, I got pregnant!
I still told my mom, though.
In the fifth week, my husband was with me for our first follow-up sonogram.
Nevertheless, that weekend we visited his parents and told them the news.
My pregnancy officially ended at six weeks, three days.
My doctor was surprisingly noncommittal about it.
I was the one who said “OK, so we’re calling it.”
Emotionally, I was numb.
Two months later we got a positive pregnancy test and we were so excited!
A few days before the appointment I started spotting and cramping.
It continued, and the day of my appointment I was bleeding heavily.
The nurses tried to make me stay hopeful that I was just having some implantation bleeding.
I wanted to scream at them and say, ‘It doesn’t feel right!
I know I’m losing my baby!’
but I kept my composure and went home.
I wasn’t surprised and I didn’t cry.
That night, I angrily told my husband that my levels were decreasing and I was having a miscarriage.
Looking back, I should have been more supportive of him and his feelings.
I was about six weeks along at this point.
It was a 10 day process for me.
I woke up every day hoping it was over.
One team member actually said the most comforting thing I could have imagined.
I don’t know why that was so comforting, but it really helped me cope.
I think it took away some of my feelings of failure.
We started trying again after a few months.
About five months later I got another positive pregnancy test.
This time I made it about eight weeks before miscarrying.
Same story, just eight months later; two weeks of bleeding and a bit of heartache.
It was surprisingly easier the second time.
I had less emotion, and instead, more determination to keep trying.
“I miscarried at around eight weeks.
I went home and remember feeling an overwhelming sadness.
I couldn’t quit crying.
[My boyfriend] was supportive and stayed over with me that night.
I had the procedure the next morning and it was painless and uneventful.
There was really no recovery physically from the procedure and little-to-no pain.
Maybe some light cramping.
That is not the case at all, or at least it wasn’t for me.
Honestly, one of the toughest things was getting that reaction from people I loved.
I would put that on the same level as the pain from the loss itself.”
“Last year I had two miscarriages, both in the first trimester.
I had no bleeding or really any indication that I had miscarried either time.
For both pregnancies, we saw what seemed like strong heartbeats at the first ultrasound appointments.
The second time the same thing happened at 11 weeks.
My body didn’t seem to get the memo that the pregnancies were no longer viable.
So, for both, I hadD&C proceduresto remove the fetuses.
It cost about $500.
Six months later, right before my 40th birthday, I discovered I was pregnant again.
I miscarried at 20 weeks, two days before Christmas.
I woke up with lower back discomfort and some spotting.
Later that evening I was having labor pains.
I can still remember the doctor standing at my feet saying, ‘You’re having a miscarriage.’
Physically I was going through labor.
The pain was intense and it was shocking.
I knew it was too early so every contraction felt more sharp.
I remember my water breaking and the feeling of the baby being in the birth canal.
I refused to push her out as I was afraid she was alive.
She later slipped out after she passed.
A day later my milk came but there was no baby to feed.
My breasts were very full and painful, adding more to the devastation.
The emotional pain and the physical pain matched.
I remember feeling such physical pain mixed with grief, and crying uncontrollably.
I asked for drugs to knock out the pain.
The physical pain was softened by the medication but there was nothing for the emotional pain.
Feeling this small body leave mine and holding her after she passed drained me of everything except grief.
Both were hurtful because they didnt acknowledge the intense grief we were going through.
Our baby was the size of my forearm with 10 toes and 10 fingers.
We held her lifeless body in our arms.”
I held her hand and had my head down the whole time, sobbing.
We were moved to another room at around 4:00 a.m. Just waiting.
This part was especially hard because we are just basically sitting there waiting for our daughter to die.
Eventually Annie had to pee and doing that finished the process of giving birth to our baby girl.
The nurses rushed in to the bathroom as Annie screamed that she was coming out.
I couldn’t get in the bathroom as there were too many other people.
Annie was brought back to the bed and given a tiny bundle.
Our daughter was dead at this point.
A perfect little girl though.
Perfect little hands and fingernails.
Annie said she had my lips.
You could see tiny little baby hair forming.
I talked to her and told her mommy and daddy were so sorry.
The overwhelming feeling was that we caused this or did something.
Our little girl was innocent and healthy and this just happened.
There are resources available to help with physical and emotional healing.
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