A lot of people only knowbipolar disorderas it’s shown on TV or in movies.
They’re hypersexual and prone to fits of rage.
Essentially, they’re portrayed as completely out of control.
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But for real people living with bipolar disorder, their lives may or may not resemble those stereotypes.
Typically these mood shifts range from highs (manic or hypomanic episodes) to lows (depressive episodes).
During manic episodes, you might also experience psychosis or hallucinations.
We talked to seven of them.
“At first, having bipolar wasn’t life-threateningly terrible.
But I excelled in school, volunteered with multiple organizations, babysat, and played in the school band.
I wasn’t [necessarily] ‘acting out.’
But as long as I was acing my honors classes, I didn’t care.
Without being able to [focus], my academic life was shattered.
Every night I’d scream into my pillow, shaking and crying.
My emotions were so uncontrollably heightened that I wanted to die.
I kept telling myself it would get better, but this continued for months.
I also experienced psychosis and paranoia: there were snakes on the walls and people following me.
I wouldn’t sleep for days in a row.
I’ve been clean of drugs of alcohol for about eight years.
But I still don’t tell people about my past unless they’re a close friend.
The media often portrays people who are mentally ill as one-dimensional, low-life characters.
But their lives have been shattered in different ways and they’re just trying to survive.
You shouldn’t write them off for making choices you don’t understand.”
I was diagnosed with bipolar II at 14, after being misdiagnosed with ADHD for about six years.
My pediatrician referred me to a psychiatrist after she suspected that my ADHD was a misdiagnosis.
I’m terrified of having children, which is also something I really want to do.
Beyond actually having a child, raising a child is scary.
I would hate for my bipolar to affect my relationship with them negatively.
It drives me crazy, this attitude that mania is a gift that justifies the pain of depression.
I still experience insanely low lows that last for a couple weeks at a time.
The suicidal thoughts that come when I’m down are really tough.
For me, the highs are much more infrequent.
I used to turn to my loved ones for support, but I don’t want to burden anyone.
My dog is always a quiet supporter, and journaling and meditation have been extremely helpful.
Right now health insurance is unaffordable for me, so I’m without a therapist.
Still, I sometimes think that I’ve been given a gift.
Bipolar kind of forces you to deal with your emotions head on.
Shoving them down isn’t an option."
“I have bipolar NOS, which means ‘not otherwise specified.’
I don’t have bipolar I or II; my symptoms include aspects of both.
I also exhibited more than a decade of insomnia and uncontrollable spending.
I literally racked up thousands of dollars in debt due to my uncontrollable urge to spend.
I also alienated friends and family as I navigated depressive states.
I still fight low-to-moderate level depression most of the time.
When my meds are wrong I can bounce around between good days and bad days of varying degrees.
There’s no real ‘normal’ when I’m un-medicated.
I live alone and have for a decade and a half.
She helps me keep tabs on how I sound and how that might relate to how I’m feeling.
I’m also very close to my coworkers.
I want people to know that bipolar isn’t as ‘big’ as it appears on TV.
Manic episodes don’t necessarily mean hopping around the house or harassing people or going ‘crazy.’
And depression associated with bipolar doesn’t necessarily manifest as sadness.
For many people, myself included, it’s an unrelenting and insidious apathy.”
“My psychiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar II when I was 19.
I actually have periods of time where I feel ‘regular’ which is great!
But in the last five years, I’ve had periods of depression and some prolonged periods of hypomania.
Mixed episodes scare me the most.
That’s where I feel like I completely lose myself.
In mixed episodes I’ve put myself in dangerous situations or excessively used substances.
I’ve ruined relationships because I didn’t think I was deserving of love.
It’s not exactly an eating disorder, but it’s definitely disordered eating.
At the same time, being bipolar is one of my favorite aspects of myself.
I am creative and enthusiastic.
I am passionate and ambitious.
I have art all over my house that I’ve created during hypomanic periods.
As a graduate student, I can (and want to) write page after page of papers.
I can fill up a journal with thoughts and ideas.
I’ve learned to utilize my symptoms for the better.
I’m not broken.
“I was diagnosed with bipolar II by a psychiatrist when I was about 30.
Of course I never followed through with any of these plans.
I would also become reckless with my behavior.
I was lucky I was never hurt.
I wouldn’t get out of bed, I wouldn’t shower, I wouldn’t eat.
Since I started medication, my symptoms have become manageable and mostly unnoticeable.
I have a loving husband and a three-year-old son.
The depression is what scares me the most about bipolar.
I’m also afraid that my son will end up having bipolar.
I felt completely hollow.
It persisted for a few weeks and then suddenly lifted, like it was never even there.
Then not long after, I started feeling riled up in a way that’s still hard to describe.
I went five days sleeping just one or two hours a night, yet I didn’t feel tired.
Then one day, I could sleep and my heart calmed down.
That didn’t last long.
I had my first mixed state a few months later.
I had so much energy, but it wasangryenergy.
I was on edge about everything, destructive, aggressive, and angry.
My suicidal thoughts were real and actionable.
These different states repeated with feelings of normalcy in between.
It took a year to get somewhere close to stable with medication and therapy.
Now I’m on multiple meds and a lot more stable.
I’m freaked out by the thought that I’ll never have a full grasp on stability and normalcy.
My family is wonderful, and I have a phenomenal group of friends and a super supportive boyfriend.
He struggles with depression and is very understanding when I get a little shaky.
you could also find support groups and resources through theDepression and Bipolar Support Allianceand theNational Institute of Mental Health.
Both are available 24/7.
Responses have been edited for length and clarity.
