Not to be all cheesy, but its never too late to learn new things about yourself.
Their stories show that despite what you may have internalized there is no typical coming-out experience.
Being around lesbians made me realize I was a lesbian.
Getty / Peter Dazeley
I first started identifying as bi when I was around 15.
That very low self-esteem contributed to years of believing I wanted to be with boys, then men.
But in my mid-20s, I started quietly wondering if I was actually gay.
In breaking up with me, he said, I think you should date women.
Admitting he was right was scary, because then what did that mean about our whole time together?
Was I a fucked up,selfishjerk who had strung this great guy along?
Was I wrong about this most intimate aspect of my own damn self?
I finally had some queer crew to hang out with, and so much gayness to soak in.
They helped me see myself reflected in them.
I didnt want to embrace a label that came with so much baggage.
Staci, 56
A lot of things kept me from my sexuality growing up.
For one I was raised as a Catholic.
I finally had my firstrelationshipwith a woman 10 years ago.
By that time, I had moved away from my town full of conservative Republicans to New York City.
We went to lesbian events and things like that together, but I knew I never fit there.
I liked them, they just didnt feel like my people.
Its only been in the last few years that Ive been able to use the labelbisexual.
I didnt want to embrace a label that came with so much baggage.
But people today are lucky.
There are so many resources, from social media to centers to media portrayals.
People can find each other safely and much more easily online than you could in my day.
Simen, 32
Im a female-to-male middle school teacher.
Oh, and because I’m trying for LGBTQ+ bingo, I’m also asexual.
Ive never not felt this way, but I didnt know what that meant about my sexual orgender identity.
Everyone else seemed to know a secret to being a woman that Id just not discovered.
It was the same with being asexual.
It was like everyone else knew something I didnt.
The kids I teach are understanding and usually more open-minded than adults.
An upside of coming out later is that the insecurity of my 20s is gone.
By now, I know Im going to be all right.
I also dont buckle under the pressure from doctors or therapists who think they know better than me.
Now I have the life experience to back up what Im saying.
My opinion matters in a way it didnt when I was younger.
A downside is that Im perpetually explaining and coming out and talking about details.
But Ive never worried about coming out or transitioning.
However long it takes you to come to terms with yourself, its not time wasted.
Some people just have a longer road to walk.
Years of pretending to be someone that I wasnt helped me build an armor.
Jenna, 36
I came out as agay womanin the past couple years.
I was so terrified of the idea of being gay that I half-repressed it, half-avoided it.
There wasnt a religious or parental influence, there was never anyone telling me it was a bad thing.
I was just terrified of being different.
I think if it wasnt for the internet, it wouldve taken me even longer than it did.
Theres a huge queer farm community online.
Its like going through a second adolescence.
Its the first time Ive actually felt like Ive been able to be myself in my entire life.
I really like that my life has happened the way that it has.
Its nice that I can put it on and take it off when I want to.
I didnt know I was allowed to be trans.
Alice, 31
I came out last year as atrans woman.
I hadnt even thought about the possibility of it before then.
And then I realized, If youre wishing you could be trans, you probably are.
Its kind of goofy, but I took this quiz online, and it was like, Congratulations!
I told my wife two weeks after I realized.
I thought you were breaking up with me.
Shes taken it really, really well.
Is this going to affect him at daycare when I start presenting female?
As a trans parent, those are things you have to really be aware of.
My son was much more relaxed than we expected because, well, hes three.
But hes just like, Yeah, OK, whatever.
I didnt know I was allowed to be trans.
And that wasnt me.
But for some people, it just takes longer to figure out.
Quotes have been edited for length and clarity.
