I talk about it, I write about it, and I laugh about it.
When I applied to college, OCD was the topic of my personal essay.
(Yeah, I wrote that essay in 2010 and its already ridiculously dated.
Netflix once sentDVDsthrough themail.
Those were dark times.)
I dont talk about my OCD with anything even approaching sincerity.
I handle most of my problems through a thick veneer of sarcasm and mockery.
It provides a comfortable distance from something that can otherwise be overwhelming.
I feel much less like Im whining when Im joking.
And humor makes it easier to share with others.
Thats right; my psychiatric history is now old enough to vote.
That sort of makes it easierits hard to miss normal when youve never known it.
Despite the severity of my obsessions and compulsions, Ive been successful because of this support.
I had to change my underwear multiple times a day because I was constantly convinced that it was wet.
My parents have done so much to help me overcome my OCD.
As I grew up, they encouraged me to be open with them about my struggles withmental illness.
It was expected that I would share my problems and go to them for support.
Outside the house, however, the message was clear: dont talk about OCD.
Dont talk about mental illness.
Its weird; it makes people uncomfortable; its not socially acceptable.
But I couldnt have hidden my OCD if I tried, and, oh, I tried.
In middle school, as I hit puberty and my body chemistry changed, my medication stopped working.
My symptoms skyrocketed, but still I tried with everything I had to hide them.
Some of my compulsions were easy to cover up.
(Particularly if she came in halfway through class because she was busy spinning her combination lock.)
And there was no good excuse I could think of to cover that up.
So I stopped trying.
I did my best to explain my disorder in simple terms that even a ten-year-old could understand.
(Tweens and sociopaths have that in common.)
Never let anyone tell you that spite is a poor motivator.
High school was better.
My medication stabilized and I began cognitive behavioral therapy.
I exchanged my more noticeable compulsions for subtler ones.
I didnt hide my symptoms, but I learned to control them for my own benefit.
The Tourettes was not a new development.
It had always been there, lurking in the shadow of my OCD.
In medicine, comorbidity is the simultaneous existence of two or more disorders in a patient.
For most people, its a word that means life just got a lot more complicated.
But I was elatedthis doctor had given me more words, new language, to describe my experiences.
Despite this, my first semester was still like getting thrown into the deep end without floaties.
OCD hates changes in routine.
College meant roommates, living away from home, and sharing a bathroom with an entire hall of strangers.
Cecelia, front-center, with her college fencing teammates.
The skin of my knuckles is rough and calloused from trying to crack them too often.
I still spend way too much time worrying about climate change.
I tell them about my evolving understanding over the years as I gained more information and science progressed.
Then I talk them through my ever-changing symptoms and my treatment.
My psychiatrist has also been trying to talk me into testing out antipsychotics for years).
Most difficult to explain are the urges that cause my tics.
What can you do but venture to shake them off?
I explain to curious parties how OCD can manifest differently in different people.
And I make jokes about it.
I refuse to be ashamed of my condition.
I dont mean to brag, but my mouth-eye coordination is unparalleled.
Im so proud of you, she told me just the other day.
Just a few years ago, you couldnt touch the sink faucet in your own bathroom.
Yeah, and now look at me, I said.
Thats disgusting, she said.
Dont do that again.
Talking about OCD got me into my first-choice school.
Talking about it got me here, on SELF.com.
And I hope talking about it can also do others a world of good.
When we talk about OCD, we raise awareness of mental illness.
Wedeepen understanding and reduce stigmaamong the general public.
We increase the chances of getting funding for research that could lead to better treatments.
And we make life a little easier for people like me.
For information on OCD and treatment options, visit theNational Institute of Mental Health website.
This Video Shows How Some People With OCD Feel Everyday:
Photo Credit: Daniel Grizelj / Getty
