Sometimes seeking treatment for psychosis can be a tricky process.
Some people may be misdiagnosed, and others may struggle to find providers comfortable with treating psychosis.
For a person by themselves, its really difficult to navigate this, he says.
Courtesy of the author
Remember: Everyones experience with psychosis is different.
This is one narrative and will not necessarily describe each person’s reality of psychosis.
Over the years, I have been diagnosed with a slew of different mental illnesses.
Different doctors have had conflicting opinions at various stages of my life.
My first experience with psychosis was during my freshman year of college.
The experiences have been slightly different each time, but each one was memorable, to say the least.
I feel bad energy inside of my head and movement that doesn’t cease.
I begin to have trouble expressing ideas and communicating about what I want or need.
I don’t want to or feel like I need to speak to other people.
I begin to get jumbled, checked out, spaced out, and I turn inwards.
I begin to disregard any attempts to maintain a personal hygiene routine.
I believe everyone is making fun of me, talking about me, laughing at me.
Each episode Ive experienced has been slightly different, though.
During my first experience, I forgot about other people.
I thought I was figuring out the secrets of the universe.
I also thought I was being watched.
I was offered a medical leave after my first three weeks of school.
The second episode occured during my junior year, while preparing for finals.
Words stopped making sense to me.
I still have the scar.
I had a third episode my senior year.
I developed severe paranoia in my apartment and, again, thought that I was being watched.
I ran through the streets of the town where I lived, crying.
My most recent episode happened after college as I was navigating the end of a relationship.
Instead of feeling relief, the major disruption in my life destabilized me.
As a result, I became incredibly isolated and barely left my room.
I took a pair of scissors and started chopping chunks of my hair off.
I didnt want to be in the dark, so I kept a light on every day and night.
I felt like my body was being infiltrated with poison and toxic energy.
Its important for me to note that many of my experiences were rooted in my reality.
At my university, Iwasbeing watched.
As a disabled person who uses mobility devices, people usuallydostare.
Some did not answer, and some had no availability or were not taking new patients.
Most offered that I just go to the emergency room and access care that way.
I remember crying on the phone, begging providers.
“I’m sorry, there’s just nothing I can do,” was a phrase I heard.
I was given a new prescription but never saw that doctor again.
I am stilllooking for a psychiatriston my insurance.
Unfortunately, my experience isnt rare.
People with psychosis also dont have multiple personalities.
This is a popular myth glorified in the media and in movies.
Psychosis can often be described in problematic ways.
For example, a common definition of psychosis is “believing things that other people dont.”
But that is incredibly vague.
Who are the other people?
Who gets to be the baseline of rationality?
There are also many different cultural and spiritual interpretations of psychotic symptoms.
The word psychotic isnot a buzzwordto throw around when you want to describe feeling out of control.
This is one of my biggest pet peeveseverand needs to end.
The word psychotic should be reserved for people experiencing psychosisand that’s all.
Some days and weeks are good.
But psychosis is not all bad.
Ultimately, I am just no longer interested in pretending to be neurotypical.
