Im not beating myself up, Im just a perfectionist.
Im not being harsh, I objectively deserve the criticism.
Im not judging my emotions unfairly, Im just being honest.
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But spoiler alert: Im often a total monster to myself and dont even realize it.
Which, TBH, is how negative self-talk and feelings of unworthiness tend to work.
Its human nature to accept our thoughts as true and normal instead of unpacking them.
In turn, they slowly become internalized beliefs that impact how we treat ourselves.
Realizing all of that is the first step.
Im still figuring it out.
If youre trying to practice more self-compassion, you might find it helpful too.
RAIN is a four-step process.
It stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Non-identification.
In Brachs take on RAIN, the N stands for Nurture.
In this case, certain thoughts or emotions.
Heres how the RAIN meditation breaks down.
Ask: Why do I feel this way?
What might this emotion be trying to tell me?
What does it feel like physically?
What else might be influencing how I feel?
Non-identification: A common refrain in self-compassion work like this isyou are more than your thoughts and feelings.
Thats because its so damn important to remind yourself.
Too often we focus on what our thoughts and feelingsmeanabout us.
Heres what it looks like in action.
If youre not totally sold yet, dont worry, I wasnt at first either.
Once I did, I started to see the appeal.
Lets walk through an example of one of my recent uses of RAIN.
Typically, I would not only swallow down those feelings, but I wouldalsostart to feel guilty.
My inner monologue would unfold pretty mercilessly:Youre such a bad friend.
Why are you making this about you?
Cant you just be happy for her?
This is exactly why youre single.
Youre a rotten person who deserves to die alone.
(Hey, this is a safe spaceI know there are people out there who can relate.)
And you wonder why my therapist loved to tell me to just kindly, God, try RAIN.
And the fact that I dont have it makes me feel insecure and shitty about myself!
Im even feeling resentful and annoyed that she keeps talking about how happy she is!
Ill let my feelings be so I can investigate them with an open mind.
Investigate:Im probably feeling this way because Ive been particularly sensitive lately due to loneliness and the pandemic.
It has more to do with me than my friend.
Non-identification:Im not a bad person because I feel this way.
I can be happy for her and sad for me at the same time.
All these things can be true at the same time, and I can work with that.
Is that the end of the story or my emotions?
Thats where othermental health toolscome into play.
But compared to my knee-jerk process of judgment and self-loathing, RAIN is a big step up.
My favorite part of RAIN is that it doesnt ask me to talk myself out of my feelings.
Is it probably unhelpful to think, for example, that Im going to die alone?
Sure, but just because its not helpful doesnt mean I dont feel it.
Cant hurt to try, right?
