Before you decide Im a heinous person, case closed, lets back up.
Just before that burst of levity, a burble had risen through my phones speakers.
I couldnt help but join her.
Nora McInerny, host of the podcastTerrible, Thanks for Asking. Courtesy of Nylon Saddle
Aaron was alive, he was so alive, Nora says.
That does not honor anybody.
Thats not to say finding this balance has been easy.
Nora with her late husband, Aaron, and their son, Ralph. Courtesy of Kelly Gritzmacher
We dontmoveon, Nora says.
Its not as if I left Aaron somewhere in the past.
The people we love deeply, these formative experiences, theyre a part of us.
Courtesy of Nora McInerny
As such, her life with Aaron has a place in her relationship with her fiance, Matthew.
Portraits of Nora, Aaron, and Ralph grace the walls of their home.
Aarons family is invited to the upcoming wedding.
Courtesy of Gracie and Gold
Together, they all form the patchwork of a lovely blended family.
But, Nora adds, We get all of that because we lost Aaron.
Then theres the podcast, which launched in November 2016.
Courtesy of Nora McInerny
Ultimately, the message she sends is that living, dying, and mourning are messyand thats OK.
Many couples have their how-we-met anecdote so finely tuned that telling it is like a choreographed dance.
Nora and Aaron didnt agree on theirs.
Courtesy of Nylon Saddle
In any case, listening to the story of their life together is a joy.
Falling in love with Aaron was really easy, Nora says.
This is exactly what happened in Noras case.
Her job was to get people like him to focus, Nora says.
He was so funny.
He would do anything to make people laugh.
Aaron was also kind.
He had planned this and executed it from his hospital bed.
That tells you everything about who he was.
On Halloween morning, 2011, Aaron had a seizure at work.
We truly thought wed be handing out Halloween candy that night.
Instead, a different reality took shape.
Doctors diagnosed Aaron with a brain tumor known as a glioblastoma.
A family friend had died of this cancer.
I think about that a lot, Nora says.
The night Nora and Aaron got the news, she climbed into his hospital bed.
Eventually, the two decided getting married was still the right choice for them.
Noras sister planned the wedding, which took place a month after Aarons brain surgery.
We had told Aarons doctors from the beginning that we didnt want to know too much, Nora says.
We didnt know what the future really held for us.
Part of what the future held was Nora gettingpregnantfour months after their wedding.
Aaron was meant to be a dad, Nora says.
We should do everything we want to do and do it with our whole hearts.
Then, a month before Nora was due, an MRI showed the brain tumor had returned.
Aaron was getting MRIs around every four to six weeks, which points to how aggressive his cancer was.
You think, ‘When could this be happening?
While we were watchingGame of Thrones?
While I was making him fresh-pressed organic juices?’
It’s such a betrayal, Nora says.
Soon after that, Aaron started having regular seizures.
He lost control over the left side of his body, eventually needing a sling to support his arm.
He started sleeping for 20 hours a day.
They gave him another MRI, and they told us that there was nothing else that could be done.
His brain tumor was growing back, and it would continue to get worse, Nora says.
After this news, they went and got pancakes, then gathered their loved ones and delivered the news.
Two weeks later, on November 25, 2014, Aaron died at home.
Just over six weeks before Aaron died, she had amiscarriageof a much-wanted second baby.
I truly believe Ralph kept Aaron alive for as long as he was alive.
Babies are magic, Nora says.
In some ways, I thought maybe another baby would have the same effect Ralph did.
There was the sense we were racing against the clock to have a second child, she says.
After miscarrying at 11 weeks and six days, Nora wrestled with immense guilt.
Even though I know its never your fault, it felt like Id broken everything in the universe.
Five days after the miscarriage, Noras father died, also of cancer.
A few weeks later, Aaron went, too.
Truth is, I wasnt fine or good at all.
I had no proficiency in grief or suffering.
Grieving is…an ongoing adaptation to a loss that may take a lifetime of accommodation, she says.
At one point in the year after Aaron died, Nora had a revelation.
As she acknowledges, this wasnt her fault.
Although theres often a temptation to suppressgrief, sharing these feelings can be so helpful.
Noras podcast fills that gaping maw by bringing grief and hardship into the light.
The idea for the podcast was rooted in the outpouring Nora got after sharing her story.
I just have never had an empty inbox.
She and Hans Buetow, a producer with American Public Media, met to discuss the concept last March.
To date, theyve released 16 episodes, and the future of the podcast is bright.
But along with that enthusiasm comes a certain weight.
Moes husband, Andrew, died bysuicidein September 2014.
Moe emailed to thank her, and a friendship began.
They met in person around four months later, after Aaron had died.
We pulled up at the same time, Moe says.
It was like a movie.
We ran to each other on the snowy sidewalk and embraced.
She felt like my home, says Moe, who later introduced Nora to Matthew.
Shes like my other parent, Moe says.
Their close dynamic is obvious in their podcast episode together.
Hearing the podcast once it aired was very freeing.
I never wanted to have Andrews not being here anymore be nothing.
I want to educate people and talk about it and make it OK to talk about, Moe says.
In response, nearly a dozen people have told her that hearing Andrews story has saved their lives.
I dont venture to make the situation funny.
Im not a comedian or anything, Nora says.
This content can also be viewed on the site itoriginatesfrom.
These things are life.
Life isnt just baby showers and weddings.
Its not just a highlight reel.
Its not possible for us to be adept at all these things we havent experienced yet.
That should not be our first goal, Nora says.
Its OK to not know.
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