Tika Sumpter is taking to heart what she considers her hardest job yet: vulnerability.
But when Sumpter began noticing stomach pains and then bleeding, she knew something was wrong.
I went to the bathroom and it was like something out of a horror movie.
There were globs of stuff coming out of me, like sheets of it.
I remember being bowled over in pain by myself.
I was literally on the floor like, God, like take this pain away.
I was like, Holy shit, this thing is happening and I have no one, she says.
There was no one to hug me and tell me its going to be okay.
I was in two different frames of mind, Sumpter recalls.
I was in pain and just trying to manage because stuff kept coming out of my body.
I thought,You just got to keep it moving.
But failure to acknowledge your feelings ultimately does your mind and body a disservice, as Sumpter soon learned.
I was telling myself, Itll be over, Tika.
Its not a big deal.
People have miscarriages every day, she says.
I didnt realize how much it affected me until I started talking about it to my friends.
You lost something and that is real, I knew she was right.
Oftentimes, such losses occur before the birthing parent realizes they were pregnant.
The most important thing is not to blame yourself.
Although Sumpter hails from a large family, becoming a mother herself wasnt always a top priority.
Ive always called myself a careerist, she explains.
Motherhood was in the back of my head as something far off.
However, once Sumpter met Jamesher formerThe Haves and the Have Notscostar and soon-to-be husbandall bets were off.
Their daughter, Ella-Loren, was born in October 2016 and the couple got engaged shortly thereafter.
She was kind of a happy accident, Sumpter reminisces.
I found out I was pregnant the day I went skydiving.
I remember I wanted McDonalds, which I normally dont eat.
My journey to motherhood has been, Itll happen when it happens, and it did just happen.
To be honest, I felt like the only person I had was God, she shares.
I wouldwrite in my journaland I would pray.
Theres only so much people can do for you over the phone.
At the end of the day, youre going to sleep with yourself.
Youre going to sleep with the pain.
Youre going to sleep with blood oozing out of you.
Youre going to sleep with something that is so foreign to you.
All I had was my faith.
In addition to seeing her own therapist, Sumpter and James go to couples therapy every week as well.
I have the best fiance, and not just on Mothers Day or my birthday, she says.
He just keeps loving me, even if I push him away or Im upset.
I really feel like thats a gift when somebody can love you no matter whateven when youjudge yourself.
Were in the age of vulnerability where people want to know more about who you are.
Motherhood is another backpack.
And Ive also been at work, which means a lot to me too.
So does being with my friends.
The podcast was also the inspiration for Sumpter to share candidly about her miscarriage.
Youre validated in your feelings, and Im a sister who loves you.
Dont hesitate to ask for what you need, she suggests.
Take a moment of silence for yourself.
Take a moment to breathe.
