For a few months after the move, we were indeed ecstatic.
I literally used the wordslife-changingto describe the choice to our friends.
But after six months or so, a funny thing happened.
We bickered over paint colors.
In short, life went back to normal.
Contrary to our predictions, it didn’t end up making us any happier.
I found that perplexing, but most psychologists wouldn’t.
“And some people are prone to depression.
But there’s considerable evidence that our emotional reactions to external events are remarkably short-lived.
Sooner rather than later, people return to their baseline levels of happiness.”
One reason may be that it’s not in our interest to be constantly euphoric.
That doesn’t mean the pursuit of happiness, that inalienable American right, is futile.
Below, what is and isn’t worth putting at the top of your list.
Other days, the cravings are urgent and insistent.
I’ve tried to tell myself that I should be counting my blessings.
But there’s a stubborn part of me that refuses to believe it.
Indeed, it seems the more we spend, the unhappier we are.
But right here, right now?
That kind of therapy has its limits.
In most cases, it’s more helpful to remind yourself that no one is perennially content.
“People need to know that it’s normal to feel bad sometimes,” Held says.
“Human beings are extraordinarily talented at making themselves feel better,” Gilbert says.
“People rationalize or suppress their feelings about divorces and diseases,” Gilbert says.
“They don’t do that when it comes to slow elevators or pain.”
And happiness can quickly wither when we measure ourselves against those who have more.
“After 9/11, consumer spending went up.
One of the ways people fight their fears is by shopping.”
On the other hand, comparing yourself with those who are less fortunate can have positive effects.
Then she went to a support group and realized how comparatively lucky she was.
“Most of the women had suffered all the side effects of chemo and some were also battling metastasis.
Seeing what they were coping with helped me view my own circumstances from a more positive perspective.”
You don’t have to be struck down by illness to learn to appreciate your life, however.
“When the mind fixates on something, it fills the whole screen.
If striving for more money or stuff doesn’t leave us feeling fulfilled, what does?
“We need visionary dreams to achieve big things.
Small-scale thinking can make the biggest difference in our day-to-day happiness.
Try focusing on the pleasure that the little things in life can bring.
That I can walk to work,” Gilbert says.
“The more resources like that you have at your disposal, the better.”
My husband likes cleaning the kitchen counter after dinner.
My friend Lauri even derives satisfaction from mucking out her horse’s stable.
Daily well-being resides in these kinds of mindful challenges.
“My bet is you’ll feel happier overall.”
The memories still warm me as deeply as the soothing Kauai sun.
Photo Credit: Stephanie Rausser
