So naturally, we had to do a race.
And one that sits on top of a mountain, and requires fire-jumping and crawling under barbed wire.
Because you know what we didn’t hear everybody’s doing?
Tuesday, August 14
9 p.m.Tonight we had a sleepover.
In the SELF magazine conference room.
We pitched a Hypoxicoaltitude tentthat simulates what the air’s like at 13,000 feet.
In very unscientific terms, a tube sucks the oxygen out.
The tent’s supposed to help us acclimate so we’re not gasping for air on the course.
Clearly we should be moonlighting at Domino.
10:30 pmWas it the thin air, or is thisPeeing in Pools with Ryan Lochte videohilarious?
10:36 pmIt was the thin air.
Sorta feels like you’re in a helium balloon in this thing, minus the flying.
But we liked that the oxygen-sucker-outter gave off a comforting hum.
(If you’re reading this, Hypoxico guys, we’re still working on that fancy lingo.)
10:45 pmThe only thing between us and sweet sleep are these damn office emergency lights.
Wednesday, August 15
12 a.m.Fact: Office emergency lights never go off.
So we smothered our eyes with pillows and wrapped our heads in sheets, mummy style.
5:15 a.m.We both had to jet for workouts.
When we zipped out of the tent, we could totally tell the difference in the air.
It’s almost thick outsiderich, delicious air.
This better be worth it.
for more thin-air breathing.
Same as the tent, these masks keep us at 13,000 feet.
A five-minute session therethe longest amount of time we’re allowed to clockproducesPineapple Express-like effects.
The chances of us completing full sentences after a few minutes at that level?
Our game plan:Suck on these babies as much as possible before heading out to Colorado.
The guys behind the counter perked up when we told them our names.
The convo went something like this:
Avis:“Emerick…OK, here’s your rez.
Us:“What is it?
Something with suicide doors?!“Avis:“Nah.
“Us:“Um…does that work like a normal car?“Avis:“Eh?
“Just like inThe Officeepisode, the Prius reallyisa silent killer.
Not that we killed anyone.
But we could see how it could happen.
We had a two-hour drive ahead, and the worst possible radio options at our fingertips.
We have priorities, people.
Colorado Native Ale specifically, because we like a bit of a theme.
Nearly 11,000 feet high and just one beer deep, things were already starting to feel like a par-tay.
2:45 p.m.We decided to take our beer-and-lack-of-oxygen buzz on the summer lift.
Since we like to live on the edge, we opted not to put the safety bar down.
3:30 p.m.Two words: Go karts.
Much louder than your average Prius.
And not going to lie, we were in it to win it on the course.
Because few things feel better than beating kids to the finish line.
4 p.m.Unfortunately Copper doesn’t have anactualbungee jump (because we’d have been ALL OVER that).
But they do have a quad trampoline.
So we worked on our flips.
Turns out, we have mad skillz.
4:45 p.m.Props to the Warrior Dash peeps for having awesome signage.
Our favorite one along the course is theDON’T WORRY.
WE DIDN’T TRAIN FOR THIS EITHERsign.
Because, to be perfectly honest, we are kind of winging this thing.
*
*But YOU don’t have to!
Prep for any mud run withthese moves.
5:45 p.m.Spotted on the drive out of Copper: one of tomorrow’s obstacles.
Still, nice try.
But if it were reversed, we like to think Maris would totally nail it.
Saturday, August 18
11 a.m.
We got suited and booted for the mess.
(This was definitely a conversation starter.
11:20 a.m.OK, the Warrior Dash also wins the award for having the best timing chip ever.
It doubles as a free-beer token.
11:30 a.m.We had to stop this girl for two reasons.
- She duct-taped her shoes so they wouldn’t get water- or mud-logged, or fall off.
And 2) she used neon duct tape.
12 p.m.We’re off!
We had 3.1 miles and 12 obstacles to cover.
Here’s a shot from our head cameras.
The top is the famed mud pit.
It’s, well, gritty and goopy.
But it feels awesome.
Think of it like a spa treatment that was included in your race fee!
And you’ve got the option to swim through it.
We did a little freestyle, breaststroke and backstroke.
We decided to spare our fellows racers our attempting the butterfly.
The bottom pic is of the dirt-covered sewer tubes you have to crawl through, Army style.
The best part about that obstacle?
Being done with it.
But there was fire.
Two fire hurdles you had to jump over.
Or through, depending on how good your hops are.
1 p.m.We think there’s an undisclosed, secret 13th obstacle at Warrior Dash.
It’s exhilarating, really.
Once we made it through the finish line we headed straight for turkey legs and beer.
Commence: a superfluous amount of ridiculously muddy post-race celebratory shots.
Speaking of parties, check out our list ofgo-to-brews, post mud-run.
And we think we deserve an extra medal for not getting our Drift head cams muddy.
Thanks again, Drift!
1:10 p.m.There’s really only one way to eat a turkey leg.
The post-race Warrior Dash signage picture is SO MUCH BETTER than the pre-race one.
Your Workout Of the Day (WOD) is written on the signature dry-erase boards.
These chicks k-belled and burped their hearts out.
2:30 p.m.Had to leave our mark on Copper.
And what was more appropriate than a pile of our muddy, muddy clothes?
We couldn’t think of anything either.
At least anything that would’ve been legal.
