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Annie Liontas was 35 when they fell off their bike and hit their head.
Eugene Mymrin/Getty Images
How do you grapple with that, or make sense of all of your symptoms?
Annie Liontas:It took me a long time to trust myself.
I dont think Im alone in that.
It means I not only have to be vigilant, but patient with myself.
So many people hear things like Its all in your head from their doctors or even their loved ones.
They believe, with the best intentions, that if we simplythinkabout our pain differently, well get better.
The challenge with an invisible disability is that it perpetuates doubtit cant be seen and therefore cant be perceived.
What do you think is the most commonor even harmfulmisconception about TBIs?
Most people do not actually recognize that concussion means brain injury.
Generally speaking, we only believe in severe traumatic brain injuries.
People dealing with mTBI struggle with emotional regulation, anger, and anxiety.
Another thing people dont realize: Every facet of a persons life is affected by head trauma.
Can you describe those moments?
What is that experience like?
Today it was Destinys Child, Bills, Bills, Billswhich I dont think Ive heard in years.
I was like, Why cant it be Dangerously in Love?
Usually it hits right when I open my eyes and stays on loop for hours or days.
The songs tend to have a repetitive quality.
My friends know they arent allowed to play Gloria Estefan around me.
I used to see these songs as a nuisance, but now I recognize them as helpers.
(Well, except for Mambo Number Five.)
This is such an amazing question!
I think most of usespecially womenare taught not to take up space or to ask for what we need.
Taking care of ourselves requires radical care.
Caring for ourselves means we can care for others.
You are not alone, even when you feel most alone.
What, ultimately, helped you and your wife stay together?
Its hard to watch someone you love struggle and be helpless to do anything.
It stirs all kinds of emotionsanger, helplessness, doubt, denial.
Recently at a reading, a father and daughter approached me.
The daughter had had three concussions and was sufferingand the father looked absolutely devastated.
He did not know how to help.
What I said to him was, youre here.
You are showing up.
Many of us who have been married a long time know that there is no secret to marriage.
Love is a verb, and it demands daily action.
How can you meet one another, even now?
How might you comfort each other not knowing when this will end, or if it ever will?
How can you laugh together?
What new shape can you take together, even as you grieve the loss?
What joy can you find in life, individually and as a partnership?
This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.
Sex with a Brain Injury: On Concussion and Recovery by Annie Liontas
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