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When she was 16,Lindsay Marie Gibsonwas raped.
Tara Moore/Getty Images
After her assault, life continued, as it does.
Years later, in college, she met the man who would become her husband.
She fell in love.
Yet her assault from years before still wreaked havoc, here and there.
Lindsay is not the only survivor to unintentionally rely on this coping mechanism in the aftermath of sexual assault.
Each survivor is different, and its a lifelong journey, she says.
For starters, they often struggle with feeling comfortable around men.
Get away from this guy.
Now she is in a wonderful relationship with a man who responded to her story with kindness.
Even once a survivor is ready to have sex, issues like anxiety andPTSDcan still rear their ugly heads.
For Jess*, 24, a nickname her attacker called her is now off-limits.
Sometimes, as much as he wants to touch that area, its just too much, she says.
Richmond adds, I dont care if you were sitting naked on a street corner.
The only reason you were raped is that you were in the presence of a rapist.
Jennifer recalls how comfortable she felt when she first met her now-fiance.
He was very compassionate, and he was very patient, she says.
Now, sex feels freer and is without the tense fight-or-flight mode that marked other encounters after her rape.
For Lindsay, something about her husbands energy quieted the alarms that would clang whenever she was around men.
The first time he looked at me, I didnt feel like I needed to run, she says.
For the first time ever, in my head, I was able to have peace.
Instead, the hope is that she feels safe, secure, connected, and is feeling pleasure.
But thats easier said than done.
Sometimes, she needs to halt all sexual activity.
I decided tono strings attachedexplore sex just for sex, she says.
The experience I gained was not worth the emotional toll.
Now, Lauren is in a happy marriage with a great sex life.
Finding out just how sexually compatible we are has been amazing.
It helped her make leaps and bounds in her recovery.
I can do everything that might be illegal in some states and countries, and Im fine with that!
I feel like my body is special nowtheres no one who can tell me otherwise.
Although not for everyone, many survivors cite therapy as a crucial part of the equation.
Lindsay has also found solace in trauma yoga, which helped her reconnect her mind and body.
The yoga also encouraged her to sit with her pain instead of trying to deny it.
Losing him burst me open, she says.
The visceral pain made it impossible to suppress her feelings.
I was actually healing for the first time.
Now, thanks to that combination of factors, Lindsays sex life has changed dramatically for the better.
Its normal to grapple with mixed feelings about sex and sexuality after an assault.
I know it may sound silly, but I dont want to be that aggressive person.
Confronting these feelings is part and parcel of working through the aftershocks of sexual assault.
It sounds like an unfathomable burden, but survivors consistently rise to meet the occasion.
Survivors are the strongest people Ive ever met, says Richmond.
Although Anna says reclaiming her life is something shes still struggling with, shes determined to keep at it.
We have three children.
I want them to know their mama is strong, resilient.
There can be love, and a family, and more to life than [my assault].
There is hope, says Lindsay.
The physical pain, the emotional painall that stuff is passing clouds.
Joy is the sky.
*Names have been changed.
More resources are available online from theNational Sexual Violence Resource Center.
To find a sexual assault service provider near you, visitRAINN.
