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Sex isnt everything in ahealthy relationship, but for many couples, it mattersa lot.
credit: Getty Images
Over time, mismatched sex drives can cause distance between partners.
Thats why its important to address this issuebeforeresentment builds up.
Build up to sex.
Some people experience spontaneous desire, which is what most of us are familiar with.
Its when arousal emerges, well, spontaneously and easily, without much effort, Dr. Vencill says.
Theres also responsive desire, which arises as a reaction to a specific situation or stimuli.
Block out one-on-one time.
In most movies and TV shows, sex happens spontaneously and organically.
So the idea of penciling in an hour-long romp may sound unromantic, to say the least.
Instead, Howard recommends blocking off certain days or evenings for potential naughty fun.
(Think of it more as an opportunity to let the moment unfold naturally vs. mandatory banging.)
The specifics of what you do in the bedroom dont have to be planned out, Howard says.
Perhaps youll watch aspicy rom-com, which may lead to a hot scene of your own.
Or maybe youll opt for a relaxingyet equally sensualnaked cuddle instead.
If youre the hornier one, redefine what counts as intimacy… Maybe that involves spending quality time together through cozy movie nights orsteamy showersso you could feel more connected.
These are just a few alternative ways to maintain a deep bondso youre not solely relying onsex for intimacy.
Maybe youre not as eager as your partner to get busy.
Or try getting off separately while lying next to each other.
Just talk about the elephant in the room.
Its important to be gentle, as this can be a really sensitive subject, Dr. Vencill says.
(If youre not sure where to start,these tipsshould make the discussion a little less awkward.)
Can we have a check-in?
vs. You arent putting in the work to make me feel desired).
Listen to and validate each other.
And whatever you do, dont blame or shame with criticisms like, Youneverwant to have sexthis isnt normal!
or Ugh, can you just stop being so horny all the time?
After telling your partner whats on your mind, you might naturally come up with solutions together.
