The causes are often complex and unclear, and straddle the line between the physical and the psychological.
The symptoms and long-term effects do, too.
SELF: What was it like when you first discovered that something wasnt right?
Courtesy of Savannah Magruder
That was when I experienced sharp pain (the tampon had expanded while inside me).
I knew a couple other girls who felt uncomfortable usingtamponsso it wasn’t a huge deal to me.
I told my mom that tampons were painful and she was confused.
What happened the first time you tried to have vaginal sex?
I had been with my boyfriend for three months and it was both of our first time having sex.
I was lucky to be with a very understanding guy.
I was pretty disappointed, though.
We found other ways to have sex, and continued to try every once in a while.
Did you keep trying to have sex?
The second guy was a little more understanding.
My condition definitely made me feel like I had less to offer than other women.
I would be less wanted when whoever I was pursuing found out about the problem.
It was definitely detrimentalpsychologically and emotionally.
Did you consult professionals about your difficulties with insertion?
I [had] a bad experience with my primary care physician.
I was 17 and had my first boyfriend and we had tried to have intercourse.
I havenot been back to that doctorsince.
My mom then sent me to her gynecologist, knowing she would be less invasive.
Of course, neither of these worked at all.
What did you do after finding that your doctor was no help?
I basically just Googled “intense pain during sex” and went from there.
That was where I first saw the word “vaginismus.”
After reading the symptoms of vaginismus, I was almost positive it was what I had.
When and how were you finally diagnosed?
After realizing I had vaginismus, I didn’t seek out treatment for a few years.
I found a physical therapist who had written a review for [a] dilator set onvaginismus.com.
Unfortunately, I was misdiagnosed.
She believed I had localized provokedvulvodynia, a much less treatable condition.
Upon her examination, she determined that in fact, I only had vaginismus, not localized provoked vulvodynia.
I was so happy, after thinking my treatment process was going to be long and painstaking.
I knew since vaginismus is so treatable this wouldn’t be the case.
While treatment for vaginismus is by no means easy, it is certainly doable.
Has dilator treatment been successful for you?
I actually have completed my treatment as of last week.
I was very lucky that my condition was not as severe as other cases.
It took about a month and a half.
Dilating is definitely not fun, but at Maze they made the process as easy as possible.
That was super helpful.
When dilating at home, I tried to make myself as relaxed as possible.
I always needed to play nice music while I did it.
Dilation is done for ten minutes every day.
It sounded like a long time at first, but after a while it started going by pretty fast.
It’s much less stringent.
Are you currently in a relationship?
Have you tried or been able to have sex?
I am not, but I look forward to that time coming.
What has it been like for you to talk about vaginismus?
Why was it important for you to share your story?
With doctors, it’s not so bad.
They are in the medical field, so they’ve heard lots of crazy things.
Boyfriends made me the most nervous.
It can definitely scare them away easily.
I’ve encountered both guys that were understanding and guys who were incapable of tolerating it.
The only family member I’ve talked to about my condition is my mom, and she was shocked.
She’d never heard anything like it before.
I got the same reaction from friends.
They were surprised, but curious, and I’m happy to tell anyone more information about it.
I want to spread awareness until this condition is normalized.
That way, when someone has it or encounters it, they’ll know what it is.
It won’t be this freaky disease-sounding thing.
I think any conditionrelated to the vagina is heavily stigmatizedbecause womens sexuality is heavily oppressed.
Vaginismus is a condition that is actually so much more common than people think.
Photo Credit: Courtesy of Savannah Magruder
