For years, I dreamed of being exactly like the expat author Gertrude Stein, only prettier.
It’s only been well into midlife that I’ve started to accept the implausibility of this fantasy.
For one thing, my home doesn’t have a dining roomor even a large table.
And it’s located several thousand miles from Paris.
The most out-of-reach element of my dream, however, is the part where I cook extravagant gourmet meals.
It is impossible to underestimate my culinary talent.
So why did I persist in my vision?
Not only that, but I was pretty much a failure in every domestic art.
And I didn’t care.
Yes, I had achieved some of my dreams, in a sideways fashion.
(I write for television and magazines instead of gunning for Pulitzers.)
Plus, I was stressing out about getting olderand less attractive and employable.
In short, I wasn’t having as much fun as I imagined I would.
I realized that I’dachievedthe dream but I wasn’tlivingthe dream.
Then there’s my husband.
When we met, I immediately thought, He’s not the guy I’ve been dreaming of!
Did I feel bad compromising on all these dreams?
Life is a process of discovering which goals and dreams will make you happy and which you should abandon.
The trick is learning to tell the difference and having the guts to make the call.
As a result, they invest more, even though it might be for a lost cause."
Successful people, it turns out, are able to assess when they should extricate themselves.
There’s a catch, however.
If you shoot too low, you’ll get bored.
If you shoot too high, you’ll end up anxious and discouraged.
Predictably, I would get nowhere, become frustrated and throw my hands up in defeat.
Then I decided to forget the notion of becoming thin.
I may not weigh 120, but I look better now and I’m healthier.
It’s not that I think all lofty dreams should be abandoned.
Yet I wasn’t willing to completely let go of my hope of having more than one child.
Of course, it’s entirely possible that my pots will come out lopsided.
And my chances of looking like Demi Moore are slim to none.
But as Ben-Shahar says, “The joy that comes from attaining goals is temporary, ephemeral, fleeting.
Happiness is not in the goals but in the process of attaining goals.”
Photo Credit: Tait Simpson
