Getting engaged can be depressing.
There, I said it.
Or maybe if were close friends youve heard, Its crazy.
Awesome, definitely, but you know,a lot.
The problem is, its not.
Like many women, I’d pictured the moment my then-boyfriend wouldproposeto me.
Im a 29-year-old woman who was living with her boyfriend, not an idiot.
Wed been together for two years and talked about marriage fairly regularly and practically.
It was a foregone conclusion that we would spend our lives together.
So, as he proposed on that lawn, I tried hard to make myself cry.
He was, and I wanted to be there with him in that moment.
But I also had to make a massive choice instantly, right then and there.
There were about three consecutive seconds before I sowed seeds of doubt or my hesitation became family lore.
Yellow gold band, simple circle cut.
But then, slowly but surely as we resumed our daily lives, I felt more and more despondent.
It was shocking to even consider being miserable at a time like this.
This felt distinctly bad.
I didnt want to plan anything.
I didnt want to tell anyone my proposal story.
I didnt want to get messages from people I hadnt talked to in years.
It was too much attention on me and my personal life that suddenly was no longer personal at all.
Are you so excited?
The horrible stress wasnt about picking the right guy.
Him, I love with all my heart.
It was about picking the right life.
It took getting engaged for the logistical hardships I was ignoring to crystalize.
Now I thought,God Ill never get back there.
My boyfriend, like most men, had months to think about proposing.
They can plan their lives accordingly and grow comfortable before taking the leap.
The proposal is a line in the sand.
Pre-ring, he debated and decided about his readiness.
Post-ring, Im debating and Im deciding.
Have I accomplished everything I wanted to before I get married?
Am I committed to living in this city forever?
Am I ready to tie myself financially to another person?
It felt so reductive.
FYI, this is who you are now: engaged.
And when you close that door, you close a lot of other doors, too.
Youre never going todatethe coworker you secretly, drunkenly made out with at your first job.
Youre never going to have another first kiss, period.
I couldnt quit my job at all without talking to my husband-to-be.
That felt childish, and Im officially an adult now.
At the end of the day, its about growing up, which can be depressing as hell.
And forever is terrifying.
Maybe thats why planning is healing for some women.
But it’s even better when your partner wants to have a voice.
Photo Credit: Mads Perch / Getty / Jocelyn Runice
