She tried several different medications in addition to therapy, but nothing ever fully addressed her symptoms.
People with bipolar disorder often have anxiety disorders2too, which can exacerbate bipolar disorder symptoms.
For years she tried to minimize her symptoms and blamed work for her intense anxiety and depression.
One person’s story on why they changed their bipolar disorder treatment.
check that you have ongoing conversations with your doctor about which treatment options may be best for you.)
Heres Shannon’s story.
Id finally accepted that I needed help to treat mybipolar disorder symptoms.
With my new diagnosis I started trying different medications.
But part of me couldnt believe the doctors.
I was stressed out by more than the work itself.
I experienced really high highs and really low lows, which was exhausting.
Other people worked demanding jobs, so why couldnt I?
When the pandemic hit, my companylike many othersswitched to working remotely.
At first I thought this would help with what I still described as work stress.
I thought that without the extra stressors, I would feel better.
We were helping big-name clients set up disaster recovery plans and were busier than ever.
I had also switched tovirtual therapy, and at first, I found it useful.
But after a while, I concluded that it wasnt as therapeutic for me as in-person therapy had been.
I started to feel like I was losing control.
I was having more panic attacks andstarted shakingat my desk.
It wasnt necessarily that I wanted to end my life.
I just didnt want to feel like this, and I didnt know how to stop it.
The way I was feeling scared me so much that I went to the hospital in September 2020.
My job signed me off for eight weeks of paid medical leave.
Then in December 2020 my company went bankrupt.
Initially, it was almost a relief.
No more stressful job meant no more anxiety and depression, right?
I decided that I wouldnt take any more medication or go to therapy.
Predictably, my symptoms got even worse.
And my denial was finally starting to slip too.
The pandemic had also made merealize how isolated I was.
Although Im pretty introverted, I was used to seeing work friends every day.
Telling someone youre going through a tough time over the phone is really hard.
How do you casually text someone that youre spiraling into a depression and might not want to live anymore?
Having those conversations over a clunky video call or text conversation felt impossible.
One bright spot was that I was able to find a new job sooner than Id expected.
I was excited to start.
I convinced myself that this job would be the one that worked out for me.
I was still working in IT project management, with a small, close-knit, and supportive team.
A few months in, around April 2021, I was having severe panic attacks every day.
I couldnt show up for work.
I felt like I was letting my team down.
The way he handled the situation changed my life.
My boss didnt shame me or pressure me to keep performing at work.
He told me that there was nothing wrong with needing help for a mental health condition.
He told me to go straight to a hospital and tell them I needed help.
My job would be waiting whenever I was ready to come back.
Thats how I was admitted to a psychiatric ward.
On the first day, I felt a mix of self-pity, self-loathing, and guilt.
On paper, I led a privileged life.
What right did I have to feel this way?
But by then I was open to finding a treatment.
I understood that I had the opportunity to get better.
The hospital also took away our phones.
Without my phone, it was like I could hear my own voice again.
By the fourth day, the team decided I was ready to be discharged the following day.
I learned thought-stopping, music therapy, breathing exercises, and the importance of movement.
And I was given an additional antidepressant to take in the mornings.
I had also realized the importance of building a community that could support me.
Its a work in progress, but Ive learned that I have to put the effort in.
I went back to work.
But everyone is so supportive.
I also wish Id had someone in my life who had told me earlier that I needed help.
At one point during the outpatient program, I was at home when I started having a panic attack.
I decided to put what Id learned into practice.
I went for a walk, but it wasnt calming me down.
I started doingbreathing exercisesand they actually worked!
As I went on, I felt more and more stable.
Now, I feel the most in control of myself and my emotions than I ever have.
Id been through so many treatments, I honestly thought nothing would work.
I think its important to venture to get help.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
Sources:
1.National Institute of Mental Health, Bipolar Disorder
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