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But that doesnt mean its actually gotten easier to move forward when one partner cheats on another.
Photo: Cristina Cianci. Art Direction: Morgan Johnson
It takes time, however.
The cheating has to stop.
The first, and most important, is for the cheating to stop.
The person who cheated cannot see the person they cheated with again, says Klow.
Washington, D.C.-based Lena Derhally, M.S., L.PC., and certified Imago therapist, agrees.
Total honesty is essential.
This can take multiple sessions, and it depends on complete honesty.
Some people want to know everything about the affair, Derhally says.
They want to know where it happened, how many times.
Some people don’t want to know as much information.
What’s scary about affairs is there’s a lot of unknowns.
Trust has to be rebuilt.
Betrayal is the most damaging part of an affair, Klow says.
The person who was cheated on usually struggles to know what is real anymore.
Their ability discern what is real gets damaged.
Knowing they can check on their partner’s phone or computer is a bit reassuring.
Handing over email and social media passwords can be another sign of trustworthiness.
Not to scare people, but that is a challenge.
Underlying issues must be addressed.
Its also important for the couple to evaluate the relationships issues beyond the cheating.
I work on having people own their stuff.
Together, start over again.
Finally, the couple has to essentiallyrecreate their relationshipand learnhow to deal with heartbreak.
But you’re able to forge something through it.
The couple can survive and grow after an affair, says Coleman.
They have tootherwise the relationship will never be gratifying.
I always say that couples therapy is not about, Oh wow, the marriage is saved.
Because that’s not always gonna be the best outcome, Amatenstein says.
