I get how freaky it can be for some people to bring this up with a partner.
Asking to be sexually fulfilled in a specific way can feel incredibly vulnerable.
To that end, here are my four best tips for asking for more oral sex.
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Think about not just what you want but why you want it.
This goes back to my good-sex ground rule of telling your partnerhow you want to feelin bed.
Your partner is not a mind reader.
2. attempt to move past any shame you might have about asking for oral sex.
As you may have experienced, people withvaginasgenerally receive the message to be ashamed of their bodies and sexualities.
I know that eradicating shame from your sex life is so much easier said than done.
But I also know that this hard work is worth it.
Remind yourself that, as a human being,its completely natural to want sex.
Good sex, at that.
This doesnt make you bad or dirty.
And needing someones faceright up in your vagina?
Also great and normal.
(Its completely fine if thats not your thing.
The problem is when that aversion is rooted in shame.)
One of the most absurd myths I regularly hear is that all vaginas smell like fish.
The way your vagina smellscan absolutely fluctuatefor normal reasons like having yourperiod.
Otherwise, your vagina probably smells like…a vagina.
Even then, the problem is functional, not about how your labialook.
The list of reasons why you might feel sexual or physical shame is unfortunately extensive.
If youre really struggling to do this, consider seeing a professional like asex therapist.
Think of this as a chance to have an actual discussion about oral sexnot just to make a request.
Exactly when and how it makes the most sense to do this depends on yourrelationship.
In a healthy sexual relationship, the shared goal should be to confirm everyone is satisfied.
With that in mind, there are a bunch of ways to dive into this conversation.
it’s possible for you to start boldly by saying, You know what?
I really miss oral sex.
Hell, you might hold up half an orange and be like, See how Im eating this?
Like, really diving in there?
Any chance you wanna do the same to me tonight?
However you start, be sure to explain what youve realized about why oral sex is important to you.
Then ask your partner what they think.
The goal is to start a dialogue, not just to get your request off your chest.
But theres also a chance they have a different reason for holding back.
Lets take the issue ofpubic hairas an example.
Dont get me wrong, I love your body!
Its just that specific sensation, you know?
The former you’ve got the option to work with.
The latter is a red flag.
Find a middle ground if necessary.
What if your partner isnt hugely into going down on you because its just not their thing?
Let me be perfectly clear: Its okay for anyone not to like giving or receiving oral sex.
But its also okay if oral is pretty nonnegotiable for you.
Sexual compatibility is multifaceted, and it includes oral sex preferences.
This is where communication comes in yet again.
I know, I know: Every relationship is different.
You and your vagina deserve better.
