“SELF Saved Me!”
As soon as I read that worddimpling, I froze.
I had been watching this pucker on my right breast get deeper and deeper.
I didn’t know what oncology was.
I remember asking my dad, and he just cried.
I am a social butterfly and wanted everyone to know right away.
Now I’ve immersed myself in support and research organizations.
I’ve raised almost $55,000 for the National Brain Tumor Society.
No one is promised tomorrow.
It’s so cliche, but it’s true.
The best thing we can do is live every minute.
When people are afraid to take a chance, I encourage them to.
Immediately, the physician’s assistant said, “Oh, dear.
Honey, I need you to sit up.”
After a biopsy, I found out for sure.
All of which happened.
He said, “Are you a topless dancer?”
I said, “No, I’m a research scientist.”
He said, “Then why does it matter where you have your scars?”
That was the lowest of the low.
Cancer was taking everything.
I developed a cough, and I had to sleep upright on a couch.
Scans showed a huge mass in my chest.
I remember having to fill out stacks of paperwork for financial aid while having chemo.
Initially, I was denied.
I got bills for $200,000I would just put them aside.
Eventually, all of my medical bills were taken care of by Medicaid and San Diego County Medical Services.
I awoke and instantly knew I still had one ovary, and they wondered how I knew.
I said I could feel it.
To this day, one side feels more hollow.
I did not need chemo, radiation or a hysterectomy.
Everyone said, “Do you need anything?”
All you want to say is “Yeah, I want to not have cancer, genius.”
My family and friends did what I asked, which was not to walk around feeling sorry for me.
Finally, I saw my childhood M.D.
over winter break, and he did a chest X-ray.
From then on, I took a friend or family member to every appointment.
They dropped me because I wasn’t able to go drinking or take on their problems and drama.
He has been beyond amazing.
After an almost two-year remission, the cancer is back and now in my lungs.
But we have tried to keep moving like a normal couple with a long future ahead.
We bought a home, got a dog and are planning a wedding for October 20.
I have faith, love, support and tenacity.
We compromised that if my white blood cell count was OK, I could go in.
She left cards and gifts on my porch, even though I was home all that time.
She finally called and said she was sorry but just didn’t know what to say.
She came over later that day and realized I was still me.
Others disappeared quietly, never calling or emailing until I got better.
On some level, I think I isolated myself because I wanted to be strong.
During treatment, I felt like I had the flu.
When I was done, I promised myself I’d never take my body for granted.
You only get one body.
I’ve been noticing this mark, and I think you should get it checked out."
Avoid being judgmental or inflammatory (“OMG!
That mole is gross!
“), says psychiatrist Catherine Birndorf, M.D., SELF’s mental health contributing expert.
Be empathetic: Breaking bad habits is hard!
Note: Don’t say this while lying out.
Practice what you preach.
She’s afraid of the doctor:“Really?
Can I come with you?”
Dismissing her fear (“Don’t worry about it!
It will be fine!")
is “so unhelpful and condescending,” Dr. Birndorf says.
“Anna Maltby
Too Young for Cancer
Cancer Resource Guide
