Ive, uh, been cheating, they say.
you’ve got the option to almost see yourpancakesshriveling as you search for a good response.
We often think cheating is hush-hush, but plenty of people confide their infidelity in folks they trust.
Aitor Diago / Getty Images
The reasons are numerous.
But what areyousupposed to do with that information?
Step 1: Admit that youre a little uncomfortable.
First of all,forgive yourselffor not having the right words.
It could be that youre sorting through those aforementioned norms.
So give a shot to take a second before reacting, Dr. Torrisi says.
Do you want to tell me more?
Step 2: Remind yourself that cheating is often complicated.
Even more complicated, the reasons people cheat often dont exist in isolation.
Someone might cheat both because they feel neglected in their relationship and because theyre angry about it.
So if your knee-jerk reaction is to judge, Dr. Torrisi urges you not to.
Dont imply that your friends cheating is gross or wrong or that theyre a horrible person.
Step 3: Ask your friend questions to understand what they need.
Once youve had a second to regroup, tune into what your friend might need from you.
So instead of judging or trying to fix the situation, try active listening.
you might ask questions, like Why do you think youre doing that?
or What does that mean for you?
you could also ask, What do you need from me, as your friend, right now?
Since your friends cheating isnt actually about you, youre allowed to relax into compassionate curiosity.
Maybe knowing the circumstances will help you be more empathetic.
Step 4: Recognize that you might not like your friends responses.
Maybe youre expecting them to show remorse, and theyre pretty celebratory.
And if were keeping it honest, not all friendships warrant your undying love and acceptance.
Well, its okay if youre not willing to stick by them during this vulnerable moment.
Often, cheating is scary, stressful, and isolating.
Maybe youve been cheated on, and hearing your friends story triggers you.
Perhaps youre close to your friends partner, and you dont want to participate in any deception.
Or maybe you love your friend, but you dont have the energy for this drama.
No matter what is causing your discomfort, dont forget to take care of your own needs too.
Step 5: Set boundariesespecially if your friend wants you to keep this a secret.
You dont have to say this in a mean or judgmental way.
Instead, you might say something like I cant keep this secret.
Step 6: If youre going to be there for your friend, reserve judgment.
Ultimately, this isn’t about youits about your friendand everyone deserves support through difficult moments.
